The Outsider’s Guide to the 2013 Tony Nominations

Tom Hanks was on Broadway? What’s a “Kinky Boot”? What anyone living outside of New York City needs to know about this year’s Broadway kudofest.

People within the tiny microcosm of culture that is the Broadway theatre district were breathless with excitement this morning over the announcement of the 2013 Tony Award nominations. But unless you were among the 12 million tourists who purchased tickets to a Broadway show in the past year—and coughed up the $120-a-pop to see a one-woman show on the Virgin Mary instead of Phantom of the Opera or Wicked for the fifth time—you’re unlikely to have any clue as to who the contenders are, or whether the shows were any good.

Joan Marcus (3); AP

That’s where we step in, offering up this Outsider’s Guide to this year’s Tony nominees, featuring clips from those splashy musicals you may have missed, word on the buzz over who will win, and, most gleefully, which Hollywood big shots were left off the list.

Best Musical

Bring It On: The Musical

Yes, a musical based on the campy high-school cheerleading flick starring Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku—spirit fingers!—is now a Tony Award nominee. But the few who caught the show’s short run—it only ran for five months—may have left disappointed that catty exchanges like “She put the ‘itch’ in bitch…she put the ‘whore’ in horrifying” were missing. The film’s darkly comic plot was essentially scrapped in the peppy, Glee-like stage version. Andy Blankenbuehler’s high-flying, acrobatic choreography, on display above, scored the musical its sole other nod.

A Christmas Story: The Musical

This year’s Best Musical nominations certainly adhere to the credence: there are no new ideas. All four contenders are based on movies. The most tourist-baity of the group is A Christmas Story: The Musical, adapted from the “You’ll shoot your eye out” film that plays on loop on TBS each Christmas Eve. On Broadway for just six weeks this winter, the musical is the theatre producer’s dream: a cheap production that can be revived seasonally each year with a guaranteed audience of New York Christmastime gawkers chomping at the bit to purchase tickets.

Kinky Boots

There are four nominees in this category, but only two real contenders: Matilda andKinky Boots, which led all shows with 13 nominations, including mentions for its three stars Billy Porter, Stark Sands, and Annaleigh Ashford. It’s certainly the most idiosyncratic nominee—Cyndi Lauper composed the music and lyrics, and it’s based on the 2005 film about a drag queen who helps rescue a man’s shoe factory by convincing him to manufacture thigh-high, high-heeled boots strong enough for men. Reviews were overwhelmingly positive for the show, especially for Lauper’s infectious numbers and Porter’s sassy lead performance as Lola, nee Simon.