Gay Marriage And The Evolving Language Of Love

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English-language experts say how gay couples refer to themselves, and how others refer to same-sex couples, continues to evolve.

In 1982, advice columnist Dear Abby published a letter from someone who'd just moved from a conservative Midwestern town to bohemian Portland, Ore.

Suddenly the advice seeker was interacting with gay couples and wanted to know: Should a letter be addressed to "Mr. John Doe and Friend?'"

Is it proper to say, "This is so-and-so and his lover"?

The writer went on: "'Would it be proper to introduce a gay couple as, 'Mr. Jones and his live-in friend, companion, or partner?' "

Abby advised the writer to ignore labels.

But 30 years later, straight and gay people are still struggling with the same questions.

"Each of these terms has its own problems," says Ben Zimmer, executive producer of the Visual Thesaurus and Vocabulary.com. "For instance, 'partner' sounds very official or contractual. 'Companion' sounds unromantic or even euphemistic. 'Lover' might just be too explicit. 'Boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' are inappropriate for a lot of people, unless they're a teenager."